Stories from the life of stewardesses nude. There is a circus and a zoo. A frank story of a stewardess about her work. About the reasons for drunkenness

Kseniya   Since childhood, I wanted to become a flight attendant, but I decided to implement my plan only at 21. The girl easily passed interviews at four airlines at once, chose one of them and forever said goodbye to the specialty “International Tourism Manager”, which she had once studied. In the six years that she gave her new profession, much has changed, and not for the better. Only salaries and baseless nit-picking of passengers remained unchanged. Now the girl is on maternity leave and almost every day asks the question: “is it worth returning?”

Relationship with Management

The management of all companies always takes the side of passengers. If earlier we were supported at least in words, encouraged - “girls, hold on,” but now, if a passenger wrote a complaint, they simply withdraw money from you with the words: “You write an apology, and we will forward it.” Complaints are often received, because everyone is trying to save money, load a minimum of products on board.

We do not pour 5 glasses of juice to the passenger, not because we feel sorry or we hid him in our cart, but because others might simply not have enough. Girls do not offer green tea or alcohol because they simply are not on board. Believe me, we would be happy to give everyone chicken, but again, sometimes it may not be enough for everyone. Some believe that cabin crew always have extra servings. Nothing like this! Sometimes, to avoid conflict, we just have to give food intended for the flight crew. Alas, people cannot understand in any way that an airplane is not a restaurant or a store.

The most annoying thing is that with their complaints passengers do not affect the food situation or the rugs, which are also constantly in short supply - they simply deduct money from us, but the problems remain.

All with me

Taking a present from an airplane for most passengers is considered commonplace. Many, without a twinge of conscience, are trying to carry away the plaid. There are people who always take undiscovered food with them - “what’s it, I paid?” It’s very funny to watch this, especially if you are flying, for example, Singapore Airlines. Flight attendants there are shocked by Russian tourists, because they constantly ask them for something. But not to eat, but to put in a bag and carry away. When such people then fly by domestic airlines, they sincerely wonder why we do not have pillows, socks, rugs and, of course, are indignant. By the way, if a blanket disappeared on the flight, then its cost can then be deducted from the flight attendant’s salary. And not one or two of them steal them in a month!

Ruble Penalties

The size of the fine for each employee, in fact, is set from the ceiling, since in Russia such things are basically prohibited by law. But everything is cleverly invented: a deduction is made from the prize. Also, as a punishment, you may be put on not-so-good flights that are low paid or just short. For example, instead of one, you make two flights a day - we call it the “ring”. For example: Moscow - Petersburg - Moscow, Moscow - Kazan - Moscow. It's very hard.

Naked salary

Some consider flight attendants as waitresses on board, although our work cannot be called easy. For example, a cart with food weighs from 80 kg, with drinks - from 120. Try this kind of ceiling.

Not so long ago, the harmfulness of labor, i.e. equated our profession to work on earth. And this means that there are no more surcharges and additional days of vacation, as before! The same thing happened with early retirement. Those girls who are now coming to aviation will have to work until the standard retirement age of 55 years. Previously, it was enough to fly 6,000 hours and arrange a pension. Yes, it was small - about 5000, but still it was. Now it has been canceled.

Our salaries remained at the level of 2011 - an average of 50 to 80 thousand per month. For the sake of this money, you need to spend 80-90 hours in the sky. My salary is 4,500 rubles, I get them guaranteed, everything else needs to be flown.

"All inclusive"

In an airplane, all passengers change slightly, becoming different from those on the ground. The whole fault is enclosed space, crowds, sometimes a long flight duration. One of the most difficult flights is charter flights, which are specially bought for a particular resort. People fly to rest on them and for some reason they think that the all-inclusive system starts from an airplane.

It is not easy with the Chinese, because they are brought up in other traditions: what we consider uncultured is normal for them. You know, next to the wing there are emergency exits with fairly wide passages. None of the Russians will lie down there, and the Chinese do it calmly and are very surprised if you ask them to take their chair. But this is not so bad - if we use personal hygiene products in the toilet, we throw the used paper out in an urn, or at least a toilet, then some Chinese people can throw such things on the floor, in the sink! For them, the stewardess is a synonym for the cleaning lady, they think that I should clean after them. But this is not my responsibility, although sometimes, of course, I have to deal with such things.

Toilets are a sore topic for cabin crew. Sometimes people just close the lid of the toilet and do their job from above. Throwing used diapers into the toilet is a common thing. No one realizes that a blockage may occur, and I just close the booth, because it will not be possible to use it. Few people understand that the toilet can become so clogged that the next flight will not be able to fly away, because it will have to be repaired. Flight attendants joke among themselves: who works in aviation does not laugh at the circus and does not go to the zoo. And all because we have enough circus and zoo on the plane.

Business Class

For me there is no difference between economy and business class passengers. It does not matter what status a person has: I will feed him, give him a drink, and smile. Now the practice in Russian airlines is such that people are sometimes transplanted from economy to business. Alas, some such a gift of fate just blows their heads. When the passenger realizes that he was given a little more than what is allowed, it begins: “pour me more alcohol,” “do it,” “give that.” An entrepreneur who constantly flies in business class will just have a cup of coffee or a glass of water, and a passenger who gets there as a bonus will be asked to pour alcohol, bring food and it does not matter what time is 7am - you need to use it while you give it. Some simply begin to talk arrogantly with you, even they simply don’t say “thank you”. It is very unpleasant when, for example, you offer juice, and a person does not even look in your direction, just something grumbles under his breath. And when you ask him again because you really didn’t hear him, after all, there are a lot of extraneous noise in the plane, he answers you for the second time even more offensively.

Girl give the phone

The only thing that pisses me off is the constant desire of men to get to know each other. Every now and then someone asks the phone, offers a cup of coffee, leaves his number on the boarding pass or business card. Probably when you are alone - it's nice. Some of our girls even got married due to their profession. Personally, I am not ready to get acquainted with passengers.

In principle, the entire form of a flight attendant is anti-sexual by standards, so as not to arouse the desire that the stewardess be asexual. But no matter how hard our leadership tries, a girl in uniform is a girl in uniform: men have always paid and will pay attention to her.

Fanatics

It seems to me that only fanatics work in aviation. We will probably go to work, even if they stop paying us at all, and are ready to pay extra, if only we were allowed to fly. When you rise in the sky, you see clouds, the sun - everything becomes good. It’s calm and quiet. And it's so cool, just an indescribable feeling! An ordinary person does not understand how cool it is to meet the dawn in Paris, then the sunset - in Moscow, and wake up in general in Irkutsk. Each flight is a small life, and we surrender ourselves with all our emotions, with all our strength to the passengers, so that they remember the good, that they rejoice. Of course, when my spouse asks: “What is the point of working for a penny? Not to see the family, not to see the child, ”I understand that he is right. But still I believe that I will return to the profession, my uniform is still hanging in the closet and is waiting in the wings.

At first, there was enthusiasm, I wanted to travel everywhere, to see everything. Now I just want to sleep in the hotel. The same routes, the same cities, I already saw everything. If the flight is short, after boarding the plane the cleaning is done and immediately fly back. If the flight lasts more than five hours - this is called a “business trip”. Then the break between flights can last from 12 hours to four days, including rest. Most often, we only manage to sleep at the hotel, go to the store and eat. Nobody forbids to go to watch the country instead of sleep, but the next day you will be none. As we are told: "You came here to work, not to travel."

You can see the world on vacation. The main bonus of working with the airline is that we pay about 30% of the usual fares. We are given tickets "for replanting": if there are no seats, we will not fly away. But you can see the load on the plane in advance and estimate the chances. Once there were no seats, and I flew to the "station" (a folding seat for cabin crew). We, the flight crew, have the right. But the ground workers of the airline, who are also given discount tickets, do not have this right. The privilege is doubtful: it’s almost eight to nine hours to sit on a stool.

Some stewardesses, when flying passengers, manage to help "their" in the kitchen. This is dangerous: if they notice a person without a uniform, they can be fined. And some, on the contrary, rest to the fullest. Somehow, our flight attendants flew on vacation, got drunk and rowdy. True, they were not fired, but they were permanently deprived of the right to discount tickets.

You can’t complain - they’ll immediately calculate

The attitude towards us from the side of the authorities is absolutely disregarding. There is only one major airline - dozens of applicants are now on one vacancy. If a passenger writes a complaint, you are 90% to blame. There is a whole department that parses complaints, calls passengers - they ask, clarify ... Everything is for the client. If they decide that you are guilty, they will cut their salaries for six months or you will fly across Russia - every day, for example, to Samara.

Where are you going? Where else will they take without experience for a salary of 70,000 rubles? Only if a prostitute stand. So you do what they tell you. So, now due to the fact that “there is a tense atmosphere in the world”, we ourselves are cleaning planes - in St. Petersburg, Yekaterinburg. Why the “tense atmosphere” affects precisely these cities is not known. If you express dissatisfaction, they openly say: "Write a statement, you will fly across Russia for six months."

You can’t go on strike, you can’t complain - they’ll immediately calculate. Once I left an ironic comment on a post on a social network about improving the working conditions of airline employees, I was immediately summoned to the office: “You, girl, didn’t mix anything up?” Recently I was banned from posting pictures in the form on the Internet.

Better to fly sick

During employment, we go through a serious medical examination, almost like astronauts. Check hearing, vision, vestibular apparatus, psyche. But then everyone spit on our health. For example, it is believed that a flight across the Atlantic is very harmful due to the accumulating radiation. Previously, they were allowed to fly there only once every six months. Now nobody is watching this; four New Yorks can be put in a row.

If the flight is long, one of the pilots goes to sleep in the "business" - special places are allocated for them. We work without rest, although in ten-hour flights we have two seats at the end of the economy. Considering that on-board meals are offered every three hours, and there are 12 people in the team, we get only 20 minutes of rest for everyone, so no one uses this right.

It happens that we sleep only a few hours in two days. For example, recently there was bad weather on Sakhalin, I had to turn around to land in Khabarovsk. After an emergency landing, we were taken to hotels with passengers, announcing that in a few hours the weather would improve and we would try to take off again. Finally, the plane landed safely in Sakhalin. There we had to be replaced by another team for a return flight. Suddenly, the commander says: “Now people will come out, new ones will come in, and you will fly back to Moscow” - and we worked another nine hours. It was just my second flight after vacation - a feeling that I did not rest.

If during the medical examination before the flight, the cabin crew pressures, the flight is removed. You fly back with the passenger, then you go to the hospital to be examined - you won’t get anything for it, but they won’t pay. If your head or a mild cold just hurts, it’s better to fly sick.

Nobody likes pilots

Every day when I come to work, I have new colleagues. A staff of 10,000 people, 20 flights in one direction per day - there is little chance that you will get on the same plane with the one with whom you flew before.

No one likes pilots. We fly, for example, an hour and a half, we have a full business class, and they do not care: "Feed me." Understanding pilots are rare. I try to communicate with them to a minimum, and if I work in a business class, I agree with the older one that I cook, and she relate it.

Pilots mainly talk with controllers, set the height. Usually there are two of them - the commander and the co-pilot. We have to go every 15 minutes to check that they do not fall asleep. If one of them leaves the cab, one of us sits in his place. This rule was introduced a year ago, after a pilot in Germany closed and crashed an airplane with passengers.

I had no relationship with the pilots. Although many meet for a long time, even get married. Pilots often fly with their flight attendants or with their mistresses - you can ask them to plan a flight together.

Change class of service for a bribe

According to the rules, it is forbidden to be drunk on board. If we see that someone is drinking alcohol, we select the bottle and return it only after the flight. But often, alcohol is poured from printed Duty Free packets on the quiet. It happens that you notice that the glass is wet (paper cups get wet with strong alcohol) or that it smells of a person, but you have the right to do something only if you see a bottle with the appropriate label. You can’t say: “I know that you have whiskey in a stake” - you won’t prove it, and they can write a complaint. You can make a maximum remark.

Previously, on board they could change the class of service for a bribe, allow smoking in the kitchen. Now this is strictly monitored, and there are no ways to make money. Although once we flew to Nice and one married couple hid their bottle of wine. Solid people, it was obvious that they were not going to get drunk. He came into the kitchen, holding out a thousand: “Can we have some ice, please, a glass?” There was another case when men gave us perfumes for no reason. But this is very rare.

If a couple retires to the toilet, there are no rules by which we must kick her out. So you can take advantage ... True, I have never had to, although five years already in the sky. Once I flew in business class on vacation with her boyfriend and had such an idea, but there were always people in the kitchen (she was nearby) - somehow uncomfortable. It’s better if there is no one in the kitchen or everyone is asleep. Although the toilet is very easy to open, without a key. But this is if an extreme case.

Serious problems are only drunk. After the New Year there was a flight to Phuket, the family flew: wife, husband and small child. Parents got drunk, quarreled and began to fight. We took the bottle from them, made a comment - and that’s it. In fact, they are supposed to call the police at the airport and accompany them to the police station. But who wants to go, do not understand where, after a long flight, to spend your time on it? If they are very violent and there is a risk for passengers, the decision is made by the commander. Maybe, for example, make an emergency landing - all tickets are canceled, the culprit pays for the fuel spent on boarding, he is taken to the police.

Must crouch to be below the passenger

As a rule, we are assigned in advance: someone from the usual flight attendants and those who passed the exam for work in the business department are hired. If there are none (except for the senior flight attendant), they choose by experience or volunteers - not everyone likes to work in the "business".

When you accept an order in business class, you should sit down to be lower than the passenger, and not ask from above: “What will you be?” Therefore, if you want to bend your back, go to “business”. This is not required, but recommended.

Some passengers require special treatment. The airline has gold, silver, platinum cards. They are issued to those who often fly, and mean all sorts of privileges: a VIP waiting room, a more comfortable chair, programs of discounts and bonuses ... But on a plane these cards mean nothing. The maximum that we can do for such a passenger is to transfer him to a more comfortable seat if they are left free.

The funniest are the Chinese

In fact, the most terrible passengers are Russians: they constantly ask and ask. Foreigners are calmer. The Chinese are the coolest: all the time they are funny, they don’t speak either Russian or English, they just smile. Now, in a crisis, mostly some foreigners fly.

Most annoying when passengers ask all kinds of nonsense. Offering drinks, we always list the assortment: apple / tomato / orange juice, water, Kola, Sprite, but there is always someone who asks: “Is there pineapple?” Or, say, a long flight, at the beginning of the flight we give out menus for lunch and dinner. When I distribute food, I ask the passenger: “What will you be?” “And what is there?” Yes, the same thing that is written on the menu didn’t bring anything up!

Or one more thing. In the luggage compartment is a special compartment for animals. Some call us and ask: “Look, how is he there?” One wants to say: “Now, when I get out of the plane, I’ll climb into the luggage compartment and look.”

In the business class there is a wardrobe, in the "economy" - no. That is, but only for our things. But from the staff there are always “good people” who say: “Okay, let me hang your coat.” And it begins: “I was hanged last time, and you, so-and-so, don’t want to!” So \u200b\u200bI immediately behave as “angry”, I do not allow anything to anyone. Just in case.

Initially, in passenger flights, the co-pilot was engaged in passengers, which was risky from a safety point of view. In 1928, in Germany, a third member, a steward, began to be included in the crews of passenger aircraft. In 1930, the idea arose in the United States to attract young attractive girls to work as stewards. This was supposed to serve as an advertisement for passenger air travel, moreover, the girls weighed less, and any extra kilogram mattered.

Helen Church - the world's first stewardess

When asked when the new female profession “flight attendant” appeared, historians of passenger aviation do not have a clear answer. But in many reference books, the first-ever flight attendant in the world is called the American Ellen Church, a registered nurse from Iowa. She managed to persuade the leadership of Boeing Air Transport to attract women doctors to work. In 1930, eight nurses were selected for flights. Helen Church went on a San Francisco – Chicago flight the first of them - May 15, 1930 (on a Boeing Model 80).

Sky girls

Stewardesses (who were then called Sky Girls - “heavenly girls”) should not only provide first aid or, with a sweet smile, serve coffee, but also perform a number of other duties, not easy for men. The job description stated that the flight attendants had to warmly welcome passengers, compost their tickets, weigh the passengers themselves and their baggage, and load and unload this baggage. Before departure, the flight attendants had to clean the cabin and the pilot's cabin, check whether the passenger seats are securely attached to the floor, and if necessary, kill the flies. In flight, hand out chewing gum, blankets, slippers, clean shoes for passengers, clean the toilet after visiting passengers. In places of intermediate landings, they had to carry buckets of fuel to refuel the airliner. And when the plane arrived at its final destination, they were supposed to help ground personnel roll it into the hangar. Girls worked 100 hours a month, earning $ 125.

Boeing Air Transport hired stewardesses for a three-month probationary period, but the practice turned out to be so successful that they were not only recruited to the staff, but also decided to accept mostly women as flight attendants. Requirements for applicants were as follows: to be unmarried, to have a nurse diploma, age - not older than 25 years, weight - not more than 52 kg, height - not higher than 160 centimeters.

The emergence of the term "flight attendant"

In September 1998, at an assembly of the ICAO International Civil Aviation Organization, representatives of all states agreed to consider that the existing official name of the profession of stewardesses and stewards - Flight Attendant (literally translated - “flight assistant”) should be replaced by Cabin Crew (literally translated - “crew airliner cabin ”- flight attendant) in order to enhance the role and status of these specialists in ensuring safety on board an aircraft.

A selection of stories from esquire.ru

TENNER, co-pilot:

“I saw a mouse as soon as I entered the cab. Radio communications had been junk for the second week, so the flight attendant and mechanic and I were waiting. As soon as I reached for the phone to photograph the mouse, it disappeared under the dashboard. I sat on the captain's seat and thought. A few minutes later I heard a rustling sound and turned around. The mouse was sitting in a lunch box, which I accidentally left on the floor next to an armchair. That was already too much. I opened the logbook and recorded a rodent. So that's who gnawed wires in an airplane. There was a short circuit and smoke in the cockpit last week, but we were lucky to land the plane. The flight engineer was in no hurry. I grabbed the telephone receiver and yelled to him: “They must have built a whole nest here!”

The captain was the last to enter the cockpit. Just from another flight, he did not look well. “We have no other plane, we have to fly on this,” he snapped. “The mouse ran into the plane while it was parked.” I cited argument by argument: what if she gobbled up a couple of wires, what if passengers saw rodents, what if we broke? I insisted on the cancellation of the flight, but no one listened to me. The scandal ended with me being removed from the plane and replaced with some kind of blockhead. I have been co-piloting this company for seven years, but it’s still a shame. ”

ANNA, senior flight attendant:

“Passengers informed me that one young man on board is behaving strangely. I decided to watch him. He photographed the back of the aircraft and the toilet, sketched out schemes of individual compartments in which drinks and food are stored. When I tried to speak with him, he asked troubling questions. Including how many people are on board. After that, he was outraged for a long time that the toilet was designed for only one passenger and could not accommodate more people.

I contacted the commander, but he said just follow our instructions. The fact is that we do not have any special rules restricting such behavior. Stewardesses did not know how to stop an artist pacing around the cabin. All we could do was ask for an identity card and rewrite the data. American. Already on earth, a security service contacted him. The guy explained that he was outraged by the size of the toilet on the plane. And he added that he is studying at the magistracy for an architect. ”

KEFRIN, stewardess:

“Our plane took off early in the morning. I immediately noticed a strong guy in a military uniform. He was in my service area. He was returning home from the camp. Before take-off, I asked to remove the bag from under the seat and put it in the compartment above my head. He agreed, but before that he took out a gray bag from her. A regular nausea pack, I thought. But he did not use it during take-off.

As soon as the commander turned off the “fasten seatbelts” sign, the guy took the bag and headed for the toilet. He stayed there for a long time, and then left without him. I tensed up and went into the compartment. The package was found in the urn. I'm not strong in military terminology, but it seems that it was cunning - a thing that could boil water without fire. It is only necessary to fill in the liquid inside. For some reason, the passenger opened the bag and threw it into the bin without using it. I decided that it’s better to get the cunning out of the basket and take it to a special compartment to see if anything could happen. There is nothing to be done, probably it’s just hard for people to give up their habits. ”

JANE, stewardess:

“45 minutes before landing, a steward came up to me and said that something was going wrong in our toilet. It turned out that an elderly woman "stuck" to the toilet. We found her daughter in the salon and went to help the three of us. I knocked on the door to find out what had happened. The old woman replied that she pressed the “descent” while sitting on the toilet. Her daughter suggested that it was just fatigue due to long flights. We opened the door.

The three of them pulled the old woman out of the trap was impossible. The woman passed out. I sent a steward for an oxygen mask. We gave the woman a couple of minutes to take a break, but she got stuck tightly. The steward noticed that the woman forgot to lower the toilet seat, so we need to unscrew the toilet from the floor entirely. After such an adventure, the woman was completely exhausted, so with the permission of the commander, we landed with her in the toilet cubicle. I stayed with the woman until the end, and the guys called an ambulance and rescuers. They helped us get the woman out of the plane and immediately took her to the hospital. The moral is simple: "Never flush water when you are sitting on the toilet."

CAROLIN, stewardess:

“A few minutes before boarding in business class, all electronic seats refused. Sixteen passengers began to slowly move from a sitting position to a forced - lying position. I reported this to the commander, but he replied that he was unlikely to be able to help.

There is a special mechanism on the seats - in order to bring them into a sitting position in an emergency. But the buttons on the chairs did not have signatures, and I did not find anything in the instructions on this subject. Five minutes were left before boarding, and it was impossible to raise all sixteen seats. Later I realized that I had to go to the emergency circle and transfer passengers to free seats in economy class. Good thing we managed to land. It was unusual to watch the business class approach the landing in a horizontal position. ”

NEUT, steward:

“Our airline provides people with three dishes to choose from, but even this sometimes is not enough. On a recent flight, an economy class passenger told me that he was on a diet and refused to eat gluten-free foods. I replied that I could hardly help him with anything if he did not take the food with him. After much wrangling, the passenger grabbed a tray of food, but as soon as I moved away from him, he began to scatter food around the cabin.

First, he threw a plastic spoon in the direction of one of the stewards, but, not receiving a response, continued to shell. Sandwiches, pieces of hot food, a glass of water were used. He never got into the steward, but he touched fifteen passengers. We could not reassure him, he screamed and waved his hands. He told the entire cabin that before the flight he hadn’t slept for a day and, in addition, suffered from a hangover. We wrote him a written warning after he rudely suggested that the three men in the adjacent chairs have sex. ”

JESSICA, stewardess:

“I was already finishing passenger service when a man sitting next to the trolley suddenly stopped me and said:“ If you need help, contact me. I'm a doctor". At first I did not understand what he was talking about and why I should contact a doctor. However, when I returned to the back of the plane, I saw that two stewards supported a passenger who was barely standing. His head was wrapped in bandages. The white shirt was stained with blood.

I ran back. One of the curious passengers whistled: “Of course, I heard that my wife hit someone on the head with a bottle of wine, but I didn’t believe it.” The stewards later confirmed this. As I understand it, the man did not drink a single gram, but his wife succeeded for two. I don’t know how much to use to get so angry. At the airport, the husband did not write a statement to her and told the police that he forgives his wife. In my opinion, they were British. ”

SARA, stewardess:

“A huge black labrador was wandering for a landing next to a man in uniform. The passenger assured us that this is a service dog, she is trained to be quiet and loves people. When taking off, the dog climbed into a free chair next to the owner, so that the muzzle stuck out above the chairs. I worked in business class, but saw my partner call the commander and say that she was just bitten by a Labrador.
Most of all I was afraid for the child who was sitting across the passage from the dog. It was necessary to transplant the Labrador immediately, and I went to negotiate with the owner. While we were talking, I felt that the dog was breathing in my hand. Suddenly he bit my palm. A few minutes later I was informed that the dog had bitten a woman standing in the aisle. I decided that this was already too much. We barely locked the dog in the toilet. Yes, passengers could not use it before boarding, but we did without new victims. ”

Editors along the way   begins a series of materials about people for whom tourism and travel have become a full-fledged job. Our first interview - with Tatyana Kiselchuk, journalist, editor-in-chiefbit.ua and WiseCow video lecture hall, and in the past - airline stewardessAerosvit and Kharkov Airlines» .

An important fact to consider right away:   I have not been a flight attendant for three years, and there is a ghostly hope that something could change. There are many people who fly away to work, for example, in the Emirates and are absolutely happy. For me, this was never an option, because the contract is signed for three years, and in my head I do not exist anywhere outside Ukraine. But my colleagues have repeatedly told me that flight attendants have decent salaries, adequate passengers, normal conditions, and they are really happy with their work.

After university, I wanted to become a journalist,   but I had no experience, had no acquaintances, nothing. Like Brotigan: no publication, no money, no star, no fuck. Therefore, I needed to find any other job.

I never had a romantic illusion about aviationand if I wanted to, I wouldn’t go either then or now, but the total feeling of worthlessness and misunderstanding where to put ourselves, which remains after our higher education (hello, aviation!), pushes for any job. But if life did not force me, I would never become a flight attendant.

Once after a booze they called me and said:« Tatyana Mikhailovna, we invite you to an interview, put on a black skirt and white shirt» . And they hung up. I was so happy that I was called for an interview that I didn’t ask where. One could guess in principle, because this was happening in Borispol.

In the morning I rolled a glass and came for an interview.   Forty girls sat there. I asked, they say, where to get a job here. Everyone looked at the sheets, repeated something in English, looked at me like an idiot.

I go into the office, and there are 12 people sitting - pilots, psychologists,   senior cabin crew, and they start to abuse me.

True, I was not forced to dance and undress (and some were forced).

They asked me to show something on the map and asked why my hair was loose. And without thinking twice, I found a pencil on the table and pricked my hair with it. I say:« Well, so beautiful now, okay?»   The aviation delegation was amused.

Apparently, that's why they took me, this is a test for resistance to stress and for solving problems in a non-standard way.

In general, from my group of 40 people   (and there was a morning and afternoon interview) they took me and two more girls: everyone else left, dropping the crocodile tears. Neither then could I understand their despair, much less during work. Maybe what they don’thave passed then an interview, the best thing that happened to them.

Then the second round of hell began, and his name was the medical board.   Dozens of doctors, tests and analyzes. Some of the doctors were so inadequate that it was just right to treat them, not us. The psychiatrist considered us all crazy. The gynecologist sacredly believed that all the girls who had sex but had no rings were whores, which we urgently informed. ENT was deaf, the dentist had decayed teeth, the nurses screamed, the lines were long and languid, like Doronin. After a week of hell, all the marks about your physical fitness were, because, as you know, only the dead and greedy did not pass the medical board.

The third stage, as for me, was the most entertaining.   Preparatory courses lasting one and a half months of daily classes. Since the training took place in Borispol, the guys and I rented some seedy apartment in the city and began to study. There were many subjects: aviation security, first aid, air code, aviation English, etc. I was only 21 then, and as a righteous person, I studied honestly and a lot.

In parallel with the theory was the practice: we jumped from the gangways, inflated the raft in the pool, went on a plane to “arm the doors” in normal situations and “throw them out” in emergency situations, learned to remove the pilot from the helm in the case of the so-called pilot incapacitation, put on masks, imitated emergency situations and shouted commands, got acquainted with kitchen and emergency equipment.

The final stage before the flights is the exams.   The day before, I somewhere pioneered questions, learned all the tickets and passed 100 points. Of the two parallel groups, a total of 30 people passed everything.

Each flight attendant has his own number and responsibilities.   Four people mainly fly on Boeing 737, eight fly on Boeing 767, but there is a reinforced or double crew. At 737, the fourth number is responsible for emergency equipment in the tail of the aircraft, for stationary fire extinguishers in the toilet and for safety in half the cabin. The third number is responsible for the kitchen equipment and for the reception of food, and the second number hangs out in the nose of the aircraft. I must say that hazing reigns aboard. Firstly, the second number blows away the attacks of the first number, which works for a very long time, and secondly, there are two more pilots ahead, who also make fun of you. You have to bring them damn tea, food or some garbage. For example, a pilot tells you:« Make me green tea».   And you immediately panic, you look for boxing, green tea, you remember there - without sugar, without lemon, you do it, take out a bag or don’t get it (and just try not to get the bag in time - death is for you), insert a wand to stir, and bring it. And the pilot tells you:« So it is. I told you - without sugar, without lemon, so that I did not have any preservatives in tea. And you took me and put a plastic stirrer into tea. Are you dumb, tell me?»   And you try not to cry.

This is your main task on board - not to cry.

I don’t remember my first flight,   and all the first nine flights too. Tension reached critical values, the brain tends to forget what we do not like.

You fly nine trainee flights with an instructor(ninth - exam), after that you become a full-fledged flight unit. Though in the roster (flight schedule) the letter N is delivered to you for another three months, and the crew knows ahead of time that it is flying with a newcomer - hazing continues for another season. Then you become “your” little by little.

A briefing takes place before each flight: you come to the "flight house", smoke 100 cigarettes (although you can’t smoke in uniform, of course), and then they ask you:« So, Tanya, nine steps in an emergency landing» . And another hundred million questions: how does the oxygen cylinder open, how to apply it, what is the reception of Heimlich, blah blah blah. There are 600 pages of the manual, and you must know them, otherwise you will be removed from the flight. Check your appearance, for example, if the lipstick matches the manicure. Fierce archaism, but there was nothing: if red nails, then lips should be red. No one cares that you with red lipstick look like a cheap whore. Rules are rules. Then they check a bunch of documents, then passport controls, and the pre-flight check of emergency equipment, power supply, etc. begins, and then passengers come.

People on earth are normal, but as soon as they board an airplane, impure. And with people who go on a charter, especially something happens, because these are obviously people who fly rarely and mainly to resorts. And all they do is violently absorb tomato juice and endlessly resent.

As Louis X Kay says:   “Before, people traveled from New York to California for 30 years, and during this time someone gave birth to children, and someone died, and then he has a flight delay of a couple of hours, and he is already yelling like crazy.” Once we flew to Istanbul with a big delay, and one lovely woman, leaving, said:« I wish you crashed» .

When you're a waitress in a bar, you can take off your apron,   throw it in the face of the client, send the boss and leave. But you won’t get out of the plane, and this pressure made you crazy.

Not a single Ukrainian airline,   as far as I know, there is no separation like beginners fly to Berdyansk, and old-timers fly to New York. Everything is more or less honest here. But if you were a conditional"Higher"   circles and wanted more flights to a certain city, you went to the flight planner and said: “We need a flight to Tel Aviv”, and brought in money, drinks, sweets or whatever else they wore, and somehow it all went around. Far from always this was nepotism and corruption, and was done out of kindness sincerely. Once, my friend and I asked to put us on a joint flight to Bangkok, as we really wanted to hang out together, and we got it.

"You must have seen half the world."How many times have I heard this phrase! This is partly true, of course, but here we need to clarify the situation. Flights are divided into short, medium and trans-main. Short - this is, for example, Kiev - Prague, the flight time is about 2 hours. There is no such definition as “average”, I explain the flights that you could go to in another city, but the time for a walk is critically short, for example, at night Copenhagen or Stockholm - you have 15 hours, no more. Trans-trunk - this is Beijing, Bangkok, New York, after a flight of more than 9 hours you spend in the country from 3 to 12 days.

There is a good aviation thing: “How do you like the work? “Yes, I like it, only the road is tiring.”

There were "squares" -   for example, you are sent to Odessa, and you fly from there: Odessa - Istanbul, Istanbul - Dnipropetrovsk, Dnipropetrovsk - Istanbul, Istanbul - Odessa - it turned out four legs in one day. On a small plane 130 people. On four flights it’s 530 passengers and 530 times it’s even easy to sayGood afternoon and goodbye   - already want to howl. And there are delays that increase the working day, people are late, angry. If you fly like this for four days in a row, then in the end you can shoot yourself.

I don’t remember how legitimate such volumes of work are,   but the airline had a loophole. You sign a logbook at a briefing that says you don't mind flying more than 90 hours a month.

On the one hand, we were well taught   constantly reminded that “everything in aviation is written with the blood of people”, because any small rule that seems insignificant is mandatory. On the other hand, the whole system was built in such a way that even if you wanted to follow all the rules (and you wanted to, because you were young, ardent and sincerely believed in the importance of your business), then you have few chances.

For example, to check all the pockets of chairs, tables,vests and shelves for foreign objects are given about three minutes. This is physically impossible: to climb under each chair, touch each vest, simultaneously reaching for the unit by the window, open each table, look into each pocket and shelf - no matter how you try, skip, say, a knife that you could put in an entertainment magazine in pocket, very simple.

Fortunately, we are not a terrorist country,   although there was one terrorist act: I flew with the flight attendant Suzanne, who took part in the release of passengers. But in the entire history of independence, there has not been a single catastrophe with Ukrainian airlines. In the 90s, there were only terrible stories about guys in raspberry-colored jackets, a showdown right on the stripes and a complete lack of control, but now, praise heaven, this is not.

We had a great aviation security instructor,   which told excellent stories, for example, about how the bees were trained to search for drugs.

When the bees found cocaine, they released a sting and died, that is, if there were a bunch of dead bees on the suitcase - there, then, cocaine, such a story.

When I started to work,they didn’t even give us plastic handcuffs and taught us to tie the hands of riotous passengers with men's belts. Then a loophole appeared, and we were still given a pack of handcuffs to fly. True, all this is useless, because when a passenger begins to rage, it is almost impossible to restrain him with improvised means.

We have a really old fleet,   but it’s not as terrible as they say. INAerosvit   there was the following situation: they had only one plane of their own. It was a Boeing 737-200, which even in my time did not fly, but this"Two hundred"   was needed for the existence of the company. According to international rules, at least one aircraft must be purchased from an airline. All other planes were taken in"dry»Leasing , that is, the remaining 9 boards were leased. Once I asked the pilots, they say, what to do, we fly on the trough. But all our pilots were scorched guys who flew at one time in Africa for several years, carrying toilet paper and sausage on holey maize, so they said it was better to fly on old planes. They are supposedly verified, and you know them. I can’t judge, because I’m not a pilot, but it’s worth saying that all planes undergo multiple checks, up to an almost complete check of all nodes every few years. Well, of course, after each flight, the plane is checked and tightened. True, once we lost a piece of reverse. Arrived in Kaliningrad, sat down without him and stood for a long time - twisted, twirled, repaired and flew back.

My favorite theme is the sunset of Aerosvit.   I remember cases when we really did not have kerosene for refueling, and only one plane stood brilliant during the parade, on a horse, beautiful, who flew to Barbados (who knows - he will understand).

Aerosvit aircraft were constantly arrested,because the company owed money to all airports for airport taxes, for “twisting” the chassis, for catering, for that’s all. For example, in Novosibirsk, we stood for five hours with passengers on the runway in an already sealed plane, we fed them, poor people, with water and could not do anything. Everyone has weddings, funerals, people are late, they scream, the plane is arrested - and all this is in an enclosed space.

For the past three months, we have not been paid a salary from the word “completely”.Most have not been paid so far and will never be paid. This is Ukrainian aviation, baby. I remember that the crews flew to Canada for nine days without daily subsistence allowance and ate a mivina or even refused these flights. It would seem, who in their right mind refuses flights to Canada? But.

Once we arrived in Thailand, I remember this flight well:   it’s winter, and here it’s +40, we are standing - three pilots and ten cabin crew, we have nothing to breathe, none at all - and the bus is not coming for us. Because the bus in Bangkok wasn’t paid either. We had a nut cracker - a telephone for negotiations. The captain gets out, calls someone, but no one knows anything, nothing happens, "you did not pay" - that’s all. And we are standing near the airport, and next to the crews - English there, Russian, some more. And they come and take them in turn, and we stand, we smoke. Already 18 hours on our feet, stand, stagger. Someone takes out a bottle of viskar, another whispers, they say, you can’t drink in uniform, but here the captain - a stocky chief pilot with a raid of more than 100 thousand hours - says “let me swallow”, and the bottle begins to be transmitted in a circle.

And then, when after three hours someone comes for you and takes you to the hotel, they don’t settle there either, because - all of a sudden! - did not pay. Then all this is decided, of course, but it happens through great humiliation, and through the national too.

The biggest tragedy of the collapse of Aerosvit- These are people who could not find themselves "on earth." I know only five people, including me, who are professionally happy.

For me, leaving aviation was the most correct thing in my life. For most, this is a protracted drama. People work in call centers, in taxis, constantly trying to return. They return - and find the same situation.

Just a few days ago, I met a colleague with whom I flew in two airlines. Now he flies in the third and says that the per diem is paid to them with a delay of one year (!). I have no censored words to express my position on this.

Another story is about denunciations.   Maybe, of course, three years have passed, and something has changed, but in aviation there is always a very tense situation inside the team. It was created artificially, and this was not the case in the old Aerosvit until they recruited newcomers with me. But when about 200 new people were recruited, the old close-knit squad at first did not take us to the spirit. But since we were all young, we all endured and we didn’t even have an idea to argue with someone.

There was one guy who loved to pound on the team.   It is worth saying that “post-flight analysis” in aviation is just black booze. And once the crew in New York decently pounced (rest time allowed), and the hotel was in Chinatown, the building is very tall. And two flight attendants, men under 40, hung this guy head down from the balcony. As in the movie - New York, the movement rushes, and the dude hangs upside down. “Will you still knock, cattle?” “No, no, boys, never again.” And they dragged him back. In my opinion, I didn’t knock anymore.

At UIA, as far as I know, the situation was even worse.   Many flight attendants from Aerosvit did not take there, because there was a more relaxed atmosphere in it, and at UIA everyone quietly walked around. And my favorite story is how one flight attendant washed off another passport into a vacuum toilet on board.

It always surprised me   why people around thought that working as a flight attendant was cool. Men’s eyes light up because they immediately want to drag you to bed, and women have a wild delight because they also want to be stewardesses. And for some reason everyone around you thinks that you live well, because you are still small, you have no experience, you earn your thousand dollars, and for some reason everyone thinks that it’s okay. But actually you are delivering tea. DELIVER TEA, CARL. And you can, of course, tell, they say, yes, I am responsible for security, but how do you answer? He counted the vests, looked that the pressure in the oxygen cylinder was normal? Well, well done, Th.

During my flights there were a couple of unpleasant stories.   Once the landing gear did not come out, but just the day before we were told how Polish pilots landed the plane “on their belly” and were given the country's heroes for this. Because it is an incredibly difficult maneuver: there is a very short distance from engines to the ground, the plane rolls when landing, if you hook the lane with the engine - the plane burns down in 90 seconds. But as a result of the chassis they were released, just for some reason the devices did not show. We sat down with dignity.

All in all, no matter how I relate   to the internal kitchen of Ukrainian aviation, statistics do not lie: the plane is really the safest mode of transport.

Listen to me, so this is the shitty job in the world.But even I loved something in this work. I liked to be in different parts of the world, even if it was a round-trip flight. I called it “globe syndrome” - I just imagined where I was on the globe and how quickly I got here. I liked to sit in a business class while relaxing on trans-trunk flights and record fresh impressions of the countries I just visited. I liked to take off and land in the cockpit, especially during sunset. I liked to take books with me and photograph them on board. I liked to watch the endless changes in the celestial landscape: staring out the window on board is a holy occupation.

Not so long ago I flewand realized that after three years I remember on board everything to the last detail. I can distinguish between the push of the landing gear and the usual chatter, even if both pushes occur almost at the same time, I can distinguish the commander of the aircraft and the second pilot by the pace of speech, I can recognize the deported passenger in the face. I still remember all the greeting and intermediate texts by heart, I remember the emergency procedures and the commands that need to be given. I can reassure a person with aerophobia, I can supply oxygen and I can also inflate a ladder. Apparently, the definition of “former flight attendants does not exist” is correct, and whatever I say, aviation is an integral part of me. And this is forever.

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